Expressions

Unite

2007-10-08T19:59:00.000+08:00

UNITE!

This is going out to all my fellow gay brothers and sisters and/or to all those non-homophobic homo-sapiens! Help to show your support. We are fighting for our rights here. It's the least we can do. So please sign the petition to show that we do care! Let's stand united!

http://www.fridae.com/actionalert/20071008.html

Chain Me Up!!!

2007-08-18T17:50:00.001+08:00

CHAIN ME UP!!!

Word up, dawg! Damn... I am beat up! I haven't freaking slept yet, y'all! Went out partying again last night. Met Nose at The Cannery bout half past midnight and then Sean came down later at about 1am. Hung out at One Nite a lil, till about 2.15am and then we headed on to MOS.

So Naz, Nose, Sean and myself hung out at PURE @ MOS till about 4am. There we met some of our tweakers and some other ppl we had not met in decades!!! Felt nice to see them all again. Then before the party ended we had to make an exit and headed on down to Living Room. Saw Shafiq there and hung out a bit.

Bout 5.45am we decided to leave and went to Fitri's place to chill and loosen up. Hung out there for a bit and then we left at 7.30am cos Nose had to work. So while Nose headed on straight to work (without sleeping at all), Naz and myself headed home.

Back home I just couldn't get to sleep at all, y'all! It's super fucking fucked up but yeah that's da bomb. The real shit, I'm talking about! It's now 1806hrs and I still can't sleep and I'm supposed to meet Nose late at about 8ish to head on down to ZOUK for the DMC World D.J Championships 2007 to show some love and support for a friend.

I just hope that I will have the strength and energy. Where's my RED BULL???!!! Ahakz! Ok, that was lame! Anyways, I gotta go! Peace out.

Pics

2007-08-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

PICS

As promised, here are the other pics as promised from Saturday-Sunday nights' partying. Ahakz! Cheers!!!

2329hrs

Party On!!!

2007-08-13T20:50:00.001+08:00

PARTY ON!!!

Saturday was a blast! I had super fun! Hehe! Ain't nothing like good ol' partying. Yunos picked me up from my place and we headed on down to The Tuck Shop at Duxton Road. It was a nice lil chill-out bar with very acid-jazz/chillout tunes played. Had a beer then headed on down to HOME cos we heard there was a guest D.J from Switzerland spinning. It was very trancy music that he was spinning there.. a lil too hard for my ears but after a while it got better! We had obviously changed our plans. Cos initially we had planned to go to Naz's bar for a drink but decided not to. So Naz came to meet us at HOME after she got off work. Then Sean, Dee Dee, Narfi, Don and Vincent came as well.

Just a lil after 4am we decided to head back to Sean's place for more partying. Stayed at Sean's crib till bout 10am (Sunday morning) and then Don called and asked where we were and asked us over to his place. So we left Sean sleeping and headed on to Don's place. Back at Don's crib we chilled out while Don spinned some music. That's Don in action ------>

God, I need to stop this lifestyle!!!

P/S: Got more pics from the weekend will post em later. I am gonna die any minute. I so need my bed!!!! Sob! Sob! Write tomorrow!!!

Addicted to Partying

2007-08-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

ADDICTED TO PARTYING

I seriously need to discipline myself, man! Really I do! I was telling myself I wouldn't get out to party for the rest of this month due to some personal reasons and here I am all dressed up and waiting for my fellow tweaker to pick me up! What's up with me?!

I was chilling at home and watching The Lost Boys on cable CineMax, when my cell rang. As I glanced at my mobile screen it was my posse, Yunos:

**********************************

Darryl: Yo, sup!

Yunos: Bro, what ya up to?

Darryl: Nothing much, man. Just chilling and watching the telly. You?

Yunos: Nothing much too. What you up to tonight?

Darryl: Staying home lah, bro. Need to take a break. You partying?

Yunos: Yah lah! Don't expect me to stay home man! I CAN'T!

Darryl: Fuck dude, you are hardcore sia!

Yunos: So what time you wanna meet?

Darryl: Eh! Woah, I'm staying home lah!

Yunos: Fuck you man! Don't be such a loser! Just come out and party man! I ain't gonna take no excuse shit from you. So what time do you wanna meet?

Darryl: Bro! I'm serious lah! I'm staying home!

Yunos: Yeah and be a mommy's lil boy? Screw you lah!

Darryl: Fuck off!

Yunos! So hurry up will ya. I'll meet ya bout 11-ish, yah. We'll go for a beer at Naz's and then party from there!

Darryl: Hmm... I hate you man! FINE! FINE! See ya then!

***************************

Notice how it didn't take much for him to persuade me? That is why I'm telling ya, I so need to discipline myself. I used to be so hard-headed before but these days it's just way too easy to get me out of my hell-pit!

So here I am waiting for him to pick me up and then will head on down to The Cannery, which I say rocks! Ain't nothing like partying especially with your gang!

P/S: To all you "Party People" out there! Rawk on! Party on! Burn the roof and paint the town red, y'all!!!

2331 hrs

Supermodels

2007-07-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

SUPERMODELS

I was surfing the net and somehow came across an episode of The Tyra Show where Tyra confronted Naomi on their ancient feud, which led me to surf stuff on other models and I began to wonder what the big deal with supermodels are and why the hell am I sooooooo darn fascinated with em. So figured I would look em up. Having done all the shit I decided to blog it.

Ever wondered how the term supermodel even came about? I did... here's the scoop!

A supermodel is a highly-paid elite fashion model who usually has a worldwide reputation and often a background in haute couture and commercial modeling. The elite models who are given the appellation of "supermodel" often share similar traits. These models are reputable in the fashion industry; usually work for top fashion designers and labels; have multi-million dollar contracts, endorsements and campaigns; and most importantly, have branded themselves to be household names associated to their modeling profession. The true supermodels were known on a first-name basis. The term "supermodel" took hold in the popular culture of the 1980s and 1990s. However, according to Model: The Ugly Business of Beautiful Women by Michael Gross, the first known use of the term "supermodel" was in the 1940s by an agent named Clyde Matthew Dessner in a "how-to" book he wrote about modeling.

Now, I'm sure you have watched the first one or two seasons of America's Next Top Model, where Tyra introduces Janice Dickinson as 'The First Supermodel' right? She's wrong! The only reason why Janice Dickinson was labelled as THE first supermodel is because Dickinson has frequently laid claim to being the originator of the term. In an interview with ET, Janice Dickinson claimed to have coined the term "supermodel" back in 1979, when she was taking every job available. According to her, her agent Monique Pilar of Elite Modeling Agency, asked her, "Janice, who do you think you are? Superman?". She replied saying, "No... I'm a supermodel, honey, and you will refer to me as a supermodel and you will start a supermodel division." Dickinson claimed to be the first supermodel, "because I did everything".

Here is the actual fact. The very first supermodel was Lisa Fonssagrives.

She is considered by most in the fashion industry as the world's first supermodel. Fonssagrives was in most of the major fashion and general interest magazines from the 1930s to the 1950s, including Town & Country, Life, Vogue, the original Vanity Fair and Time. The relationship between her image on over 200 Vogue covers and her name recognition led to the future importance of Vogue in shaping future supermodels.

It was after her that a barrage of supermodels follwed making a name for themselves in the fashion industry. In 1968, an article in Glamour described Twiggy,

Cheryl Tiegs, Veruschka, Jean Shrimpton ,

and fifteen other top models as "supermodels". The term supermodel gained currency in the 1960s by analogy with Andy Warhol's "Superstars". Of the prominent models of the 1960s, Twiggy (Lesley Hornby) is an example of a supermodel of the era, as is Donyale Luna

the first African American model to appear in Vogue. Following suit in Donyale's trend, Beverly Johnson

was the first African American model to be on the cover of American Vogue. In the 1970s, some models became more prominent as their names became more recognizable to the general public. These models included Janice Dickinson (credited herself in 2003 as being the first supermodel and claims to have coined the term "supermodel"),

Iman Abdulmajid ,Gia Caranji (who died of a drug overdose) andChristie Brinkley ,

In the 1980s, fashion designers began advertising on television and billboards. Models became more familiar to the masses. They were no longer nameless individuals. Models embraced old-style glamour, which allowed them to replace actresses as symbols of luxury and wealth. In this regard, many viewed supermodels not so much as individuals but as images.

By the 1990s, supermodels became prominent in the media. Earning the title "supermodel" meant that the model was a superstar, winning fame simply for being a "personality". They did talk shows. They were cited in gossip columns. They partied at the trendiest nightspots. They landed movie roles. They inspired franchises. They dated or married movie stars. And, of course, they made millions. "We don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day." uttered by supermodel Linda Evangelista has become the most famous quote in modeling history. Fame allowed them to take control of their careers, market themselves, and earn higher fees. In 1991, Christy Turlington signed a contract with Maybelline that paid her $800,000 for twelve days' work each year.

Four years later, Claudia Schiffer reportedly earned $12 million for her various modeling assignments. Authorities ranging from Karl Lagerfield to TIME magazine had declared the supermodels more glamorous than movie stars. "SIX", also known as the "Big Six" were officially anointed by the fashion world as supermodels, they are Claudia Schiffer,

Cindy Crawford,

Kate Moss (who inspired the 'waif' look),
and "The Trinity" made up of Linda Evangelista,Naomi Campbell,

and Christy Turlington.

In the mid-1990s, male models became popular and a few have been referred to as supermodels, such as Marcus Schenkenberg

and Tyson Beckford (or better known as Tyrese).

In the late 1990s, models were slowly being replaced by actresses, pop singers, or other celebrities on the covers of fashion magazines and ad campaigns. The rise of celebrity culture relegated many models to anonymity. A popular "conspiracy theory" explaining the supermodel's disappearance is that designers and fashion editors were sick of their "I won't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day" attitude and made sure a small group of models would never again have the power of the Big Six. However, Charles Gandee, associate editor at Vogue, said, high prices and poor attitudes contributed less to the decline of the supermodel. As clothes became less flashy, designers turned to models who were less glamorous, so they wouldn't overpower the clothing. Majority of the models come from non-English speaking countries and cultures, making the cross over to mainstream spokesperson and cover star difficult. Runways are not as high-paying jobs as it used to be. It is now considered an internship process for the hundreds of anonymous girls who swarm the runways of New York, Paris and Milan each season. They are paid about $250 an hour on their first season. The opportunities for super stardom were waning in the modeling world.

In 2006, only one model made the cover of Vogue, and that was Linda Evangelista . Despite the prior decline, a new set of models became household names and are referred to as supermodels. Mostly, modeled for Victoria's Secret, which include Gisele Bundchen

Heidi Klum,

Adriana Lima,
and Tyra Banks.

However, according to Sean Patterson, president of Wilhelmina Models, New York,

"The fashion industry has shied away from models for so long that advertisers seeking a well-known face have to go back to supermodels like Ms. Turlington or Ms. Campbell or Ms. Moss....The industry hasn't allowed a new set of supermodels to be created."

During the mid-2000s and even today, fashion was again warming up to models. In 2007, Vogue has had so far 2 covers with models. The May 2007 issue showed the top 10 "World's Next Top Models", with names including Coco Rocha,

Jessica Stam,

Agyness Deyn,(voted Best New Model and rumoured to be the New Kate Moss)

and Hilary Rhoda.In the July 2007 issue, Natalia Vodianova graced the cover.

The spark returning to supermodel-dom was arguably due to the rise of Australian top model Gemma Ward,

whose alienesque beauty spawned a new trend in fashion, much like Kate Moss. Sarah Mower, editor at style.com, made this quote in her review of the Fall 2007 John Galliano fashion show:

"... and there were the girls, striking totally convincing attitudes, as if no one could teach them a thing about absinthe drinking or streetwalking. Who knew this supposedly blank generation of Sashas, Lilys, and Cocos had it in them to act up like a bunch of old-school supermodels? That, like the clothes, seemed a flashback to everything that made Galliano good in his first years in Paris."

(Referring to Russian model Sasha Pivovarova,

the British duo Lily Cole,
and Lily Donaldson

and Canadian Coco Rocha respectively.

So, there you have a rather detailed and extensive look into how supermodel-dom came about. In my opinion, I think the time of the Big Six sisters was the bomb! They nailed it big time then. Look at Naomi and how she's still walking the runways! I do have to say her catwalk is awesome! As for the new generation of supermodels... I am pretty impressed with Coco Rocha, Agyness Deyn and Gemma Ward. Work it gals!

1705hrs

I Am Not Dead.

2007-07-27T21:07:00.001+08:00

I SURVIVED!

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to party 72hrs straight! I couldn't take it, really. I was like brain dead! My body was like a zombie while my head was almost out of order. So, right after 2.5 days of partying, I declared defeat and gave up. And the rest of the week I was busy working and I guess my whole body was just so fucked up, I fell ill!!! Yes, I am down with a viral fever. SIGH! I guess this is my body's way of telling me it needs to FUCKING rest. I betcha my body must be giving me the finger right now. Must prolly be cursing and swearing at me for wearing it out to the max!

These pics were taken while waiting for some of our friends to get back from work and before the party started. The 3 of us were like drunk and wasted and were doing absolutely crazy things. Dressing up in wigs and costumes (which I haven't posted here as it would be soooooo unglamourous!) The pics you see here are the only ones that are suitable for public viewing. HAHAHA!Enjoy!

Absence

2007-07-19T18:46:00.001+08:00

ABSENCE

Woah! Party like a rockstar!

The last weekend was insane. I didn't do much on Friday! Just went for that stupid show with Jules and Vince. Wanted to go out on Saturday but got hit by the lazy bug and stayed home on Saturday. Can you believe that??? But I am glad I didn't cos I ended up partying like mad on Sunday. Headed down to KM8 bout 7ish chilled with the gang and then was supposed to go to St. James but ended up meeting Suriya at his place. Chilled there a lil and then got a call from the gang that they were heading to one of their cribs. So told Suriya, I had to split and headed out to meet the gang. Dang! And partied till Tuesday afternoon!!! Fucking Tuesday man! It was just SUPERCALAFRAGILISTICESPIELIDOCIOUS!

Here are some pics from last weekend! I'm not in most of the pics cos I was so engrossed in taking em, I forgot to be IN them! LOL! Fuck me right!

The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveiros

2007-07-14T10:50:00.000+08:00

THE BLOSSOMING OF MAXIMO OLIVEIROS

I went to watch this movie at The Picturehouse last night with Jules and Vince. We were looking forward to it since Jules had previously seen the trailer in the cinemas and said that it was a rather sad, sappy movie. But here's the real deal - my advice to anyone who is even considering watching this movie is - DON'T!!!!

I mean, I have watched other Filipino low budget films and they were, well, not great but acceptable. But this, OH MY GOD!!! It's utterly, totally and definitely a fucked-up movie! Before I even booked the tics for the movie I did some research on the Internet and read some reviews about this movie and I remember one review that described it as (and I quote): - "... a poignant tale..." YEAH! RIGHT! Poignant my ass! More like pungently distressing!!!

Ok, ok.. this movie is supposed to be the tale of a 12 year old effeminate son of a gangster in a Filipino slum, Maximo Oliveiro. Maxi falls in love with a hunky cop, Victor, who is much, much older than him and then suddenly the movie seems to take on a paedophilia love-tale toll! And then it does a sharp turn and talks more about the illegal activities and the righteous and upright ways of Victor.

Ok, apart from the movie losing its story line. The director did an extremely bad job on the movie as a whole! The cinematography sucked... the sound and music was appalling! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Sure, it was a low budget production but for, crying out loud, I have seen better standards of low-budget movies! I am even wondering how this movie made it to the film festival!!! Totally not worth the 9 freaking bucks I paid for it! Thank god, we weren't allowed to bring food and drinks into the the cinema hall, or else, I would have thrown my tub of popcorn at the screen and booed my ass off! Aaaargh! Such disappointment!

As if that wasn't enough to frustrate the viewers, there was not even ONE actor who was good looking enough to give you the patience to at least sit through the whole movie. The only reason why I even sat through it was because I didn't wanna seem like a spoilt sport to Jules. All for a friend. But, I fret not..., I take consolation in knowing that there is at least one movie that I am looking forward to and its La Môme, it's about the life of the legendary Edith Piaf! I am so gonna catch that movie and you should too!

Well, that's it for now.. I'm signing off... Peace out dudes dudettes. Remember DO NOT WATCH this movie!!!

1126hrs

Out Of The Closet???

2007-07-13T10:36:00.001+08:00

OUT OF THE CLOSET???

I was reading the latest issue of 8 Days magazine and came across this article about the much hyped lead actor of Prison Break, Wentworth Miller. The heading of the article read, " PRISON BREAK STAR'S GAY? - The closet broke for WENTWORTH MILLER, who faces fresh allegations he's gay..."

Now, who's to say I'm not glad. It's not that I can have a wild, sex romp with him. LMAO! As if that will ever happen but I'm jus glad! HALLELUJAH! I have always found this dude super sexy as long as he doesn't smile! He looks hot when he has his serious look on! Ouh! I betcha a whole lot of cunts out there would be getting all dry and pissed. LOL! Anyways, celebrity Tinsletown gossip blogger, Perez Hilton, outed Miller a fortnight ago on his website. (http://www.perezhilton.com/). Perez, has so far been downright accurate in spotting closeted gays before their coming out such as Lance Bass and Neil Patrick Harris.

It claims that Miller is dating fellow actor Luke McFarlane for the past six months! (Check out Luke's pic below! Cute, eh?) McFarlane was previously dating Grey's Anatomy's, TR Knight ,who admitted to being gay last year!

It seems to me that a lot of male celebs are stepping outta the closet. Well, it's about time!!! And as for Miller and McFarlane, well, if both these dudes are indeed gay and dating, I wish them both the best! Spread some love, my fellow gay brothers!

1106hrs

To All You Fucktards!

2007-07-07T13:19:00.001+08:00

TO ALL YOU FUCKTARDS!!!

This one's going out to all those FUCKTARDS out there. Some of you I know (you know who you are!) and some I don't.

For those who I DO NOT know well FUCK YOU! FUCK you to the bottomless pits of Hell. I don't care what-the-FUCK you think of me, when you read my blog. But know this, you don't even FUCKING exist to me so if you come across my blog and decide to read - FINE! But if you decide to immediately judge me in your FUCKING loony heads then I suggest you do not! I'm saying this cos I know many of us do that. If you are a FUCKING homophobe and find you cannot understand my lifestyle. FUCK OFF!!! No one FUCKING asked you to!!! I don't need your FUCKING permission to live on this FUCKING planet. If we so decide to suck as many dicks dry and FUCK as many asses, AGAIN, it ain't your FUCKING problem. Just carry on living your FUCKING life, as if we care if you should live or die. So the last thing I need is FUCKTARDS with teeny-weeny-minute-peabrains like y'all! And if you have a problem with the kinda language I use on my blog and find it totally obscene then FUCK OFF too! I choose to FUCKING express myself this way. And I do not need your FUCKING approval because your opinions are FUCKING insignificant to me! Do you really think I will suddenly get all FUCKING obedient and adopt a FUCKING "holier-than-thou" attitude and turn to licking and FUCKING cunts and stop using such flowery words, all because you FUCKING think it ain't right? HELLO! Like which FUCKING planet are you from? Ain't no one who can and will FUCKING change me. I am ME and I'm FUCKING happy with the way I am. So, FUCK OFF before I FUCK you in the ass and shove my dic down ur FUCKING throat!

And for those FUCKTARDS whom I FUCKING know personally, virtually or cyber-worldly. Listen hard! I do not FUCKING care what the FUCK you write on your FUCKING blog about me or my lifestyle! If you were an ex-lover whom I FUCKING dumped, face it! You ain't FUCKING good enough for me. Accept that and FUCKING move on! Stop being such a cry baby and slamming your fists on walls and stamping your feet on the ground just cos you don't FUCKING have me anymore! I know I am da bomb! But, FUCK, you ain't! So, if you wanna FUCKING write bout me... go on and write it! Just do not delete it after a while! That only goes to show how FUCKING ball-less you FUCKING are!

If you are a FUCKING chick who has the hots for me... FUCK, wake up and smell the coffee! I am FUCKING gay! And if that ain't clear enough for you, I suck dicks and FUCK asses! Still not clear enough? Ask your bro or dad to come see me and I'll show you what I can FUCKING do! And if we have been out and shit, don't FUCKING pull your 'I-wanna-get-romantic-with-you shit on me'! It FUCKING turns me off! And quit FUCKING looking me in the eyes like you are FUCKING in love with me. That's a FUCK load of crap! I ain't gonna FUCKING fall in love with you. FUCK ain't never gonna happen! You think FUCKING Cupid can work his shit on me? I'll FUCKING make Cupid give me HEAD! And if you are a friend who is FUCKING pretending you can FUCKING put up with my lifestyle and me being gay, then FUCKING don't! I don't need pretentious FUCKS around me! Do me a favour and FUCKING get your stinking ass away from me! I FUCKING loathe FUCKS like you to the extreme!

Ain't no more Mr Nice Guy anymore. I am FUCKING done with putting up with crap from all you FUCKTARDS! So do me a favor and FUCK OFF!!!

1441hrs

Attica & KM8

2007-07-03T01:17:00.000+08:00

ATTICA TOO & KM8

Finally, I got to catch up with my gang again! WOO-HOO!!! I missed em like crazy and it sure was nice seeing them after such a long time! We spent Saturday at Attica Too and Sunday at KM8. It was two days of non-stop fun and partying. Thanks for such a great time guys! I love y'all!

Changes

2007-06-23T02:41:00.001+08:00

CHANGES

I wrote this a long time ago, somewhere in 2005. Some of you may have already read this whilst some prolly haven't. This lil piece I wrote is special to me, for it speaks of who I truly am. The present me. The person I have now become and embraced. And the man who is responsible for putting me through this transformation is prolly the only person I truly loved and will love. He taught me a great deal about myself, life and love. And there has never been another, who has been able to make me see myself, life and love for what they truly are. I am blessed for having been given this chance. Which is to be able to love and be loved. When you grow up and look back at the things you have been through in life, you will learn that even the worst experiences are sometimes the best...

Everything changes... people, situations, feelings, moods, thoughts, and even Life. And you learn that some of these changes happen way beyond your undoing, whilst others are from your own decisions and what about those that happen naturally without you realising? The kind that happens WITHIN you - in the depths of your heart and soul... your emotions... without you knowing how much you have changed until something happens and you look at yourself, really look at yourself hard, and ask - "Oh god, what have I become?"

We were opposites. Like North and South. Fire and Water. Black and White. Love and Hate. I guess opposites attract. Some attract to maintain balance and stability and some to make or break you. My Opposite used to say I was sensitive. Wait, in fact, it used to say, I was way too sensitive. Also said I was too emotional, too romantic, too good, too kind, too sweet, too giving... too this, too that... to my Opposite I was just too much of... - Love. And I used to wonder what it expected me to be, if not myself? Did it have an expection that I had to measure up to or rather down to?Would it, rather, me be someone less sensitive, less emotional, less giving, less loving, less kind, less sweet... less EVERYTHING. Did it want me to be a LESSER person just so I would be who it wanted me to be? But isn't that wrong? Who would want a lover who was a lesser person? Why do I have to change myself for someone...? Questions, doubts... was all I had of it, of me and of us.

And I tried... tried so hard... became the lesser person it wanted me to be but it was never enough. It wanted me to be a more lesser person than that... and I was doing everything against what I thought was right and that is not what a relationship should be about. And I went on becoming that lesser person. And it wanted me to keep going on and on and on... and each time I was asking myself - How much more? Am I to disregard my own feelings and thoughts and be a man of self regard? Until one day, without realising, I died... died inside. My soul had lost its light and essence... and I was but an empty vessel of blood and veins.

Change. The kind we never see coming. When I died, everything died with it - me, it and us. I became what I despised the most. I became it. Became my Opposite. Became him.

Changes... some good, some bad... can kill or save you...

0257hrs

Heavenly Angel

2007-06-21T03:55:00.000+08:00

HEAVENLY ANGEL

As the Heavens opened her majestic doors,

You floated from your sanctuary forever more,

While you swooped down across the essence of time,

Letting your wings brush up against all that was mine.

As your beautiful soft wings brushed against my heart,

I knew that you and me would never part,

You fluttered those wings against all that I was,

Changing us forever more, just because.

Like the shooting stars that shoot across the night sky,

The love that you have, brought a heavenly tear to my eye,

I have never questioned where it was you came from,

From the throne room of God is what has made us one.

Destiny will play a role in whom we will be,

It has been etched in stone for all of eternity,

The angels sit and marvel at the job that you were given,

They knew you would come to me, it had been written.

Sweet angel from the Heavens above,

You sacrificed who you were to bring me all your love,

As the majestic winds of life blow across your sweet breath,

Now our hearts and souls will always have a mystical rest.

From the Four Corners of this vast Universe we're found,

Bonding our spirits forever, oh, how we are bound,

He knew before time that we are made incomplete,

Thus, he made us a 'kindred spirit' so we would not weep.

0519hrs

The Little Heart

2007-06-20T09:57:00.000+08:00

THE LITTLE HEART

As I was doing some cleaning earlier, I came across this little book which was given to me as a gift by a German friend of mine, Frank, somewhere in 2005, if I remember correctly. It's a small crimson red book measuring 10cm by 10cm with a little pink heart-shaped jewel embedded in the centre of it. The title of the book is The Little Heart (Das Kleine Harz) written by Wolfgang Joop. It's a simple book with little words and illustrations, about 33 pages thick and with very colourful pages. But, the thing that makes this book very special is the meaning of the short story it tells of. I love this book. It's so simple even a kid in nursery can read yet, however, the meaning of the story is so profound, refreshing and uplifting. It's so beautiful I have to share it with all of you. I hope you will enjoy it. Here's how it goes...

THE LITTLE HEART

When the little heart was still very little, it did not have any dreams, because it did not have the images to dream.

When the little heart began to grow, it did not have any wishes. It beat to the rhythm of another heart. The heart of its mother.

When the little heart was born, it almost stopped beating in fright.

When the little heart stopped hearing its mother's heartbeat, it felt very alone.

When the little heart learned that every heart beats only for itself, it felt icy cold.

When the little heart felt another heart beating nearby, it felt a little warmer.

When the little heart felt even more hearts beating nearby, it calmed down.

When the little heart got a little bigger, it often felt afraid and very alone...

When the little heart was in despair, it heard, "You must be big and strong!"

When the little heart then got bigger, it heard, "You must fight!"

When the little-big heart heard that, it asked itself, "Why should I fight? Against whome? And what for?"

When the little-big heart then heard, "Because you want to be a grown-up heart, don't you?", it thought, "But I am only THE heart. And a heart is always a child."

When the little-big heart grew bigger, it had many wishes...

When the little-big heart learned that many of its wishes would not be fulfilled, it often wanted to stop beating.

When the little-big heart got even bigger, it learned that hoping is nicer than wishing...

When the little-big heart continued to grow, it was often very tired from growing and did not always want to beat.

When the little-big heart learned it would die if it did not keep on beating, it kept on beating.

When the little-big heart got even bigger, it sometimes beat very erratically.

When the little-big heart beat especially erratically, it felt ill.

When the little-big heart felt as if it had been hit by an arrow, it thought it was dying.

Then the little-big heart heard a voice which told it, "What you are feeling now may feel like pain, but it is LOVE!"

Then the little-big heart stopped wanting to be a little heart, or even a little-big heart.

The heart wanted then to grow and grow and grow enough to let all the warmth and light in.

When the little big heart was so big that it did not fit in this book anymore...

it became the heart that was given to you...!

1032hrs

The Beast In Us

2007-06-16T12:56:00.000+08:00

THE BEAST IN US

Something happened earlier today which I wish hadn't. Something I am not very proud of. Something so bad I wish I could turn back the hands of time to erase. Something that I wish I could forget forever. Today I saw a part of me I never knew existed. A part of me I never thought could ever be. I guess its true that anger can be such a lethal emotion. I guess one does really lose their minds when they allow themselves to succumb to anger. A man indeed becomes a beast. He can lose all humanity and take over such a primal, raw and savage nature.

I am feeling so terrible right now. I haven't even slept since I got back from work. I just can't. It's haunting me and eating away at what little forgiveness I have left for myself. I succumbed to my emotions and allowed myself to lose all sense of reason and logic. I became what I have always loathed and I did what I said I would NEVER do. No amount of regret nor sorrow could ever make right what I did. No amount of forgiveness could ever make me feel better.

What happened today woke me up. It was a reality check. A hard nudge in the head. Telling me to look around me and see what I am doing. I have been dealing it with anger all these while it has made me blind to everything else. I was unable to see what I was doing all along.

I need to heal my soul and my spirit. And I need to learn to forgive myself before I can even ask to be forgiven...

"Change isn't easy.

Changing the way you live means

changing how you think.

Changing how you think means

changing what you believe

about life.

When we make our own misery,

we sometimes cling to it

even when we want so bad to

change,

because the misery is something

we know.

The misery is comfortable."

1317hrs

L.O.V.E

2007-06-09T02:08:00.001+08:00

L.O.V.E

Love. What is Love? What is this emotion we can and cannot live without? Too much of it smothers us and too little of it deprives us. In the grammatical sense of the word Love means:-

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection; sexual passion or desire; infused with or feeling deep affection or passion; sexual intercourse; copulation.

Can some of us, if not all, really say that we have felt true love in our lives, at least once? Can we say we have felt the pure, celestial and divine force of this powerful energy? Or can we say we have felt the malicious, malevolent and malign wrath of it?

Do we really know what Love truly is? Love is a powerful energy or an universal force. Like many human emotions it has many faces but it is THE one human emotion that remains mysterious. In ancient times, it has been associated with pagan figures like Aphrodite - the Greek Goddess of Love, Venus - the Roman Goddess of Love, Eros - the Greek God of Love. It has even been associated with Freja - the Goddess of Sexuality. Love and its many faces. In modern times, of new age and self-healing, Love is recognized as the one true positive energy to dispel all negativity. It is what will change your life for the better.

So you ask yourself, if Love has been depicted as something good and positive since ancient times, then that must be what it is. Well, if you ask me, I say Love is what you make of it. Love is a part of Nature. Like Nature it is neither good nor bad. It is both forgiving and punishing. It is like a gun. Imagine what happens when a gun falls in the hands of a murderer? And then imagine what happens when a gun is given to a man of righteousness. They use it for different reasons. The former uses it to kill and the latter uses it to protect.

I guess that is what Love is - both good and bad. True Love is love in its purest form. It heals, enriches and completes the human soul. Fatal Love is love in its blackest and darkest form. It suffocates, scars and leaves the human soul jaded. Sexual Love is love in its most selfish and manipulative form. It cheats, lies and feeds off the human soul. Unconditional Love is love in its true form. It nurtures, cares and loves another human soul for what lies within.

I am sure most of us have had our own personal experiences of sexual love. So let's leave that aside. True Love? I can proudly say I was once blessed enough to have that in my life and now that it is over, I do not dread it being over. Life has taught me a great deal. I have learnt to take the experiences in life and learn from them in a positive way. So instead of gloating about the past I am just grateful that I was able to feel true love once. Fatal Love. A face of love I have never been able to wholly understand. As incomprehensible as it may seem, it exists! The unfathomable depths of fatal love. One that's so black and dark!

As the saying goes, "If you truly love someone, sometimes you just have to let them go." And that was all I asked for. To be left alone. Having just been released from an emotionally and mentally straining relationship, I have learnt that Love isn't always what it seems to be.

Ah, yes, it seems, oh, so picture perfect and fairy-tale-like to have someone think you mean the world to them and to treat you like the king of their heart. But a love so intense and dramatic can only bring such fatal and malicious results. You'd think you can trust this person who claims to love you like there is no tomorrow. And that they would never do anything to ever ruin you. But what do you do when they threaten to ruin your life and take everything you have away from you? What do you do when you know you are being followed and watched every time? What do you do when the trust you placed in them is betrayed and they use that against you? What do you do when they make you the bad guy in the eyes of others?

Love, if anything has taught me to be stronger. What doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger.

WATERSPOUTS..?

2007-05-25T22:10:00.001+08:00

WATERSPOUTS...?

The time was about 2ish in the pm... was being a complete couch potato and watching MTV when my mom said she spotted some kinda twister-like thingy. I jumped up and rushed to the windows. There it was... looking so majestic and magnificent. I was enthralled. It was beautiful... and it was moving .... circling around and around. This was my first time seeing it and I had to snap a pic of it. So here they are....

Cool, huh? This reminded me of a scene from the movie X2, the sequel of the X-Men trilogy. The scene in which Storm uses her elemental powers to get the fighter planes off their backs. Super cool. Ahakz! Anyways, I emailed the pics to The New Paper and got a reply from one of their journalists that they may want to use these pics for printing. Hehe... cool, ay? We'll see, if they do.

Well, then I did a research and actually found out that these are called waterspouts. Waterspouts are simply tornadoes over water. But though they have a similar structure to some tornadoes, they form much differently. Waterspouts are common in tropical areas where thundershowers occur frequently. But waterspouts also can spin up beneath puffy cumulus clouds without lightning or thunder. Sweet, ay?

Chapter 1

2007-05-16T03:31:00.001+08:00

CHAPTER 1

The time on the clock now reads 3:33am. I finally gave up trying to get back to sleep after numerous failed attempts at allowing dear ol' Mr Sandman to lay me down to sleep. I haven't the faintest idea what woke me up but for the past few days I have been having trouble sleeping. This isn't a good thing, I know. I guess, I prolly know what it is that's bothering me but the strange thing is, this has never happened in the past. So, I'm not too sure if that's the cause. How odd...

That aside, here I am in front of my laptop typing away in my darkened room with Richard AShcroft playing on my iTunes, a glass of wine and my favourite companions - my cigarettes! Hah!

There always something about Richard Ashcroft's songs. I don't quite know what it is but the lyrics to his songs are just magnificent. I think he's just about the best songwriter around these days. How can you not agree with me?

The Verve's Urban Hymns album is a masterpiece and my fav song on that album is 'The Drugs Don't Work'. The meaning to behind this track is soooo deep. Makes you think... the next time you listen to it, listen to it really carefully.

Well, I'm gonna try to get some sleep now... hopefully the wine and Richard singing them lullabies will kick do the trick. So... Mr Sandman, I'm all set... sprinkle your magic sleeping dust and work your mojo on me. Transport me to your mystical Realm of Dreams...

LOSER...

2007-05-15T13:25:00.001+08:00

My sleep pattern's all fucking screwed-up inside out, I'm telling ya. Yikes! Not really freaking out cos I'm not working tomorrow so no biggie!

So when I logged into my blog today, I realised that there were 2 comments left by some homophobic DICKHEAD on my tagboard. When I say DICKHEAD, I mean a REAL dickhead - as in a walking asshole with a DICK for his head! This pathetic loser apparently hasn't got much to do with his life. I mean, like, he must have one frigging sad, boring life with little or no friends at all and ,thus, had to resort to such petty, neanderthal actions. I could have chosen to leave his comment on my tagboard and simply retaliated with an equally sad and immature comment but I chose not to! Simply because I didn't want to stoop so low to his level. What an ignoramus!

No offence to all the nice straight men out there but seriously, most heterosexual men (and this is a known fact!!!) are notorious for thinking with the wrong 'head'. They have never been able to figure out which head does the thinking and which head does the screwing. That could have been prolly why that barbarian did what he did. He got confused and started thinking with his dick!

I have never been able to understand why straight men are so homophobic! Are they just envious that we, gay men, are far more intelligent, able to carry ourselves well, do not make complete asses of ourselves and do not act, dress and speak like uncivilized barbarians.I guess that's what sets us apart from them. They know that it's true and it kills them to know THAT THEY AREN'T AND NEVER WILL BE as polished and refined as us.

It tickles me to know that we really get to them and that they watch us and are aware of our every lil actions. While we, on the other hand, simply do not acknowledge their existence around us. Now, how sad is that?

Having said that... if you are a homophobic heterosexual man reading this I hope it annoys the shit outta you and makes you wanna blow my brains out!

And just so you know, not all men are 100% straight! Haha... bet this pissed ya'll off even more.