THE BEAST IN US
Something happened earlier today which I wish hadn't. Something I am not very proud of. Something so bad I wish I could turn back the hands of time to erase. Something that I wish I could forget forever. Today I saw a part of me I never knew existed. A part of me I never thought could ever be. I guess its true that anger can be such a lethal emotion. I guess one does really lose their minds when they allow themselves to succumb to anger. A man indeed becomes a beast. He can lose all humanity and take over such a primal, raw and savage nature.
I am feeling so terrible right now. I haven't even slept since I got back from work. I just can't. It's haunting me and eating away at what little forgiveness I have left for myself. I succumbed to my emotions and allowed myself to lose all sense of reason and logic. I became what I have always loathed and I did what I said I would NEVER do. No amount of regret nor sorrow could ever make right what I did. No amount of forgiveness could ever make me feel better.
What happened today woke me up. It was a reality check. A hard nudge in the head. Telling me to look around me and see what I am doing. I have been dealing it with anger all these while it has made me blind to everything else. I was unable to see what I was doing all along.
I need to heal my soul and my spirit. And I need to learn to forgive myself before I can even ask to be forgiven...
"Change isn't easy.
Changing the way you live means
changing how you think.
Changing how you think means
changing what you believe
about life.
When we make our own misery,
we sometimes cling to it
even when we want so bad to
change,
because the misery is something
we know.
The misery is comfortable."
1317hrs
